On Thursday night we were supposed to be going to an Easter church event as a family but instead found ourselves heading for the hospital right before dinner. I was trying to finish weeding one of the raised beds in the Veggie Garden so I could sow some salad greens in it before going inside to heat up dinner. The Husband came out and said he needed to go to the hospital courtesy of the low haemoglobin result of his blood test. He had been to see the doctor earlier, who called to say he needed to go to the hospital. He looked pale. He has been very tired lately.
We grabbed a few things, got into the car and I drove. Being of an analytical, prepared and also creative personality I automatically started to think of all the scenarios, the worst being, what if I end up having to give birth to our baby alone, without my husband? What if I have to raise this baby alone? My thoughts began to look something like this:
My thoughts can get terrifying, yet I know how to haul myself back to the reality of God’s presence come what may.
We knew it could be a few hours of waiting but we had no idea it would be as long as it was. Thankfully, my parents took The Little Fulla who spent the night at their house. Waiting to see the nurse and get tests done was one thing. But after that we sat and sat and sat… back in the waiting room. The hours dragged on, sitting in hard chairs in the night, not knowing what was going on or when The Husband would be seen other than that he would probably need a blood transfusion. Being 28 weeks pregnant and already not sleeping well made it so much worse for me. I just wanted to sleep, to lie down, to put my legs up but I didn’t want to leave my husband alone. I just wanted him to get treated. And so we sat, in the hard chairs, waiting, praying, trying to be patient.
While we were waiting we could hear a woman out the back crying bitterly. After a while I heard her lament between cries, “Why did he have to die?” It was haunting. It really put things in perspective. Don’t take your loved ones for granted on any day. Later on I read that there had been two bad vehicle accidents on roads in our region. Some people had died. I guess that’s what was going on behind the scenes. And why we had to wait so long.
It was 1:20am when I made the hard decision that, since we were told it could still be a few more hours, I would drive home so I could go to bed. I hated leaving The Husband there but I also had a baby and my own health as the carrier of our baby to think about. God gave me the strength to get home safely in the 30-minute drive.
I heard from The Husband at 4am to say he was being seen by a doctor and getting a blood transfusion and a prescription for iron tablets. His tiredness of late was caused by anaemia, which was probably caused by something he needs to have a bit of an operation for. We are thankful that it isn’t anything worse at this stage. He will still need to get seen by a specialist to make sure there isn’t anything else going on. But he could come home.
At 5-something-am I dragged myself out of bed and drove back to the hospital to get The Husband. As I drove through the darkness of the early morning on Good Friday, exhausted but thankful, I thought about how Jesus’ followers must have had a bad night after their leader, their friend, suffered and died a horribly slow death on a cross. I don’t think they would have gotten much sleep either. And I thought about how the women got up before dawn after Jesus had died and prepared spices to take and put on his body. They must have been exhausted in their sorrow. But they did it because they loved and respected Jesus. I was so grateful that I was going to retrieve my husband. He got to come home and we got to hop in our bed and begin trying to catch up on lost sleep and recovering from the effects of all this on our bodies and minds.
These are not nice things to be facing when you’re pregnant with a baby coming in 12 weeks. We are both already tired. I’ve had to stamp out every thought of fear that creeps into my mind. After a day of resting at home The Husband threw up that evening and I got nervous we might have to go back to the ED all over again for a second night in a row. But he felt better after that and has been getting better since.
Through all of this, I know that God knows what he’s doing. I have a very strong sense that this baby was well-planned by God and has a purpose. There’s a beautiful story about it that I wrote very early on and will get to share with you after the baby is born. Many times I have wondered why I should get to have such a beautiful story like it. Well, one reason is that right now it is grounding me in the knowledge that God’s got this. No matter what happens, I know God chose to create this baby when he did and he will see it through. Though the road is difficult and sometimes dark, I can always see the light shining up ahead. The situation is scented with the fragrance of God’s faithfulness. He will look after us. And I am never alone. I am blessed to have family and friends who have my back and flank me on either side, fighting for us in prayer and being there to talk about things. I feel their prayers and I feel God’s love for us as I read his Word and declare his promises over our lives.
This Easter weekend is one of rest and recovery for us. I have not yet gotten hot cross buns or Easter eggs made, but it doesn’t really matter. All that matters is that we have each other, that we are home and that we know the love and faithfulness of God, made possible by Jesus’ suffering on the cross for our sins and our healing, inside and out. It is no coincidence that the devotional plan I was up to on Saturday morning happened to be ‘Victory Over Sickness’.
But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed. – Isaiah 53:5 (NKJV)