Sarcastic Answers to Little Twiglet Questions

When you are pregnant you get asked many questions, and some over and over again. Towards the end it gets worse. I try to answer questions politely but sometimes I get tired of answering the same questions and I feel like giving naughty answers more like this…

  • When is the baby coming?

Hold on, I’ll just ask it. It says it will actually be out in half an hour. If you’re still here then you might have to deliver it for me.


  • Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl yet?

You know we decided not to find out so it would be a surprise, but last week we did get curious so I used my x-ray vision to look inside my belly and then we found out what it was.


  • Have you decided on names for the baby?

Yes. We don’t know if it’s going to be a boy or girl, or what it will look and act like and we figured making a special photo announcement with the name after it’s born to share the excitement with friends and family was dumb, so we have an official name already. Just one. And we’re going to tell everyone who asks because they deserve to know. It isn’t fair to keep these things to yourself. People can’t cope with surprises these days.


  • Have you got the baby’s room ready?

Yes. Since you last asked, I’ve got everything I’ll ever need until my child leaves home, so I’ll never have to go shopping again. I have also decorated the room to a standard ready for a high-end magazine photo shoot, as every mother should. Everything is in place. I have even made up the cot with a full set of decorative bedding, although the baby won’t be in it for a few months, but I figured a nice layer of dust would be good for its immune system.


  • Is the baby engaged?

Yes. Although I don’t know if it’s a boy or girl yet I’ve found it a life partner already.


Anyone else got a question? 😉

39 weeks
39 weeks today and a poor-quality selfie. Meh, it’s Saturday.

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